


If You Give a Count Some Socks

by SpaceDimentio



Category: Super Paper Mario (Game)
Genre: Gen, chat format, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 03:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13965936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceDimentio/pseuds/SpaceDimentio
Summary: Dimentio gives Count Bleck some socks but he doesn't have any legs what will he do with them-April Fool's crackfic-Written in 2015





	If You Give a Count Some Socks

Dimentio: *gives Count Bleck a wrapped present* Happy Birthday!  
  
Count Bleck: …It’s not Count Bleck’s birthday.  
  
Dimentio: Happy not Birthday! *shoves the present into his arms*   
  
Count Bleck: *looks at it as if it might explode* Um  
  
Dimentio: Well go on, open it.   
  
Count Bleck: *opens it and pulls out a package of socks* ….What is this?  
  
Dimentio: Socks.  
  
Count Bleck: No, Count Bleck means he wants to know what you’re up to.  
  
Dimentio: …They’re socks. What’s there to be up to?  
  
Count Bleck: *looks at socks, then looks down at himself*  
  
Dimentio: *looks down too* …Oooooooo…You don’t have any feet.  
  
Count Bleck: Yes.  
  
Dimentio: So you don’t wear socks.  
  
Count Bleck: Yes.   
  
Dimentio: And it’s not even your birthday.  
  
Count Bleck: Yes.  
  
Dimentio: *shrugs* Well, I’m sure you’ll find some use for them. Anyway, I have to go be somewhere that isn’t here. Ciao! *teleports away*  
  
Count Bleck: ಠ-ಠ  
\------------------------------------------------------------------  
Several days later  
  
[Everyone gathers in the meeting room. Count Bleck is standing on the floor next to a large thing that’s covered by a sheet.]  
  
O’Chunks: *scratches head* Eh, so what’s this meetin’ about?  
  
Mr. L: Beats me.  
  
Count Bleck: *stares at Dimentio*  
  
Mimi: Hey, Nassy? Is something wrong with the count?  
  
Nastasia: I have no idea.   
  
Count Bleck: *staring intensifies*  
  
Dimentio: o-o W-Why are you looking at me like that?  
  
Count Bleck: *waves staff, causing chairs to appear behind everyone* Sit.  
  
[Everyone hesitantly sits]  
  
Count Bleck: Now. *pulls sheet off thing, revealing it to be hand-made puppet show stage*  
  
Dimentio: …I’m out.   
  
Count Bleck: Nope. *waves staff again, causing ropes to appear and tie Dimentio to the chair*   
  
Dimentio:  What is the meaning of this ಠ_ಠ *can’t magic because hands are tied up*  
  
Count Bleck: You’re going to watch.  
  
Dimentio: *rocks chair* Maybe I don’t want to watch.  
  
Count Bleck: That’s not going to work.  
  
Dimentio: Yeah? *rocks too hard and falls over* …Oh.  
  
Nastasia: Can I ask what’s going on here?  
  
Count Bleck: Dimentio was ever so kind to give Count Bleck some socks. Count Bleck thought that we could all use some fun, so he made a puppet show. Count Bleck.  
  
Mimi: *claps hands* Yaaaaaayy!1!  
  
Mr. L: Heh?  
  
Dimentio: *still on the floor* Oh gooooooood  
  
Count Bleck: *gets behind stage* Ahem. Today, I will tell you a story. It’s a story about a clown who can’t find his cupcake and an amazing count who saves him from stuff.   
*pulls out sock puppet that looks like Dimentio, puts on a high falsetto*   
 _Where o where is my cupcake who has stolen it?_  
  
Dimentio: *kicks feet* I do not sound like that D:  
  
Count Bleck: And then suddenly he fell off a cliff because he’s stupid.   
*mimes Dimentio hanging onto the side of a cliff*   
 _Help me o help me I have fallen because I suck at using my eyeballs to look in front of me._    
It was none other than the Marvelous Count Bleck who heard him and came to his rescue!   
*pulls out another sock puppet which looks like him except with drawn-on abs, puts on deep voice*   
 **Hello colorful citizen. Do you require assistance?**    
 _Yes o please I have wimpy noodle arms I can’t hold on for more than 2.5 seconds._    
*makes Count Bleck pull up Dimentio*   
 **Are you hurt Mr. Mask?**    
 _No and I’m gonna be your sidekick now._    
 **Good to hear Mr. Mask.**  
And so from that day forward, Mr. Mask was forever indentured to the Marvelous Count Bleck and did his bidding, getting him coffee in the mornings and cooling his soup for him.  
  
Mimi: *claps*  
  
Mr. L: *snickers*  
  
Nastasia: *looks really confused*  
  
O’Chunks: *has fallen asleep*  
  
Dimentio: Oh, you are so dead when I free myself.  
  
Count Bleck:  _Could you please help me look for my cupcake o how I have misplaced it._    
 **Sure thing. That spooky forest is a good place to start.**    
The two went into the forest, but found only a dead body and many, many spiders.   
 _Help a spider is biting my nose and I can’t get it off._    
*Count Bleck punches Dimentio in the face, causing him to fall over and into a pit*   
 **There, it’s gone. Oh, where did you go Mr. Mask?**    
 _Down here! I have fallen and I can’t get up because I am currently impaled on some spikes they are very unpleasant._    
 **Don’t worry I will rescue you once more.**    
*Count Bleck reaches down and pulls Dimentio up, then quickly drops him on the floor*   
 **Ugh, you have gotten blood all over my beautiful cape.**    
 _I am sorry please allow me to bleed to death so that I won’t trouble you anymore._    
 **No, I will do the right thing and heal you with my magical spit.**    
*Count Bleck kisses Dimentio*   
 _Yay I am healed thank you now we can go home and watch a soap opera together._    
And so they did, and Mr. Mask cried while the Marvelous Count Bleck held his tissue box for him.  
  
Dimentio: O-O  
  
Mimi: Ew hahahaha!  
  
Mr. L: Gross!  
  
Nastasia: UM  
  
Count Bleck: One day, the Marvelous Count Bleck and Mr. Mask were taking a walk in the park when suddenly-! “Help! Help me!” came the cry of a fair maiden! The two rushed to assist, and found that she was being attacked by a large chocolaty monster!   
*mimes a lady who looks suspiciously like Timpani being attacked by a Hostess cupcake and Count Bleck and Dimentio coming to the rescue*   
 _My toes! That’s my cupcake which I’ve been looking for with my oculars!_    
 **Your cupcake is evil?**    
 _Yes I suppose it is but ahahahaha I am also evil so I’m going to steal your hat and throw it in a lake._    
*Dimentio takes Count Bleck’s hat and throws it off the stage*   
 **Noooo my hat it was the source of my power!**    
*Count Bleck faints*   
 _Ahahahaha now nobody can stop my evil plan to take over Fox News and make it even worse!_    
*Timpani starts hitting him with her purse* “Take this! And this!”   
 _Noooo knock it off you rain down purse blows like an amazing Amazonian warrior!_    
And then he died.   
*throws the puppet across the room*  
And the fair maiden revived the Marvelous Count Bleck, and together they had the cupcake for lunch. Then they were married and lived happily ever after the end. *closes curtains grumpily*  
  
Mimi: *stands up and applauds* Yay that was really good county!   
  
Nastasia: I…What just happened.  
  
Dimentio: Yes, if we’re done here, maybe someone could possibly, oh, I don’t know, UNTIE ME?!  
  
Mr. L: Nah.  
  
Dimentio: *death stare*   
  
Mr. L: Say, how did the count control all those puppets at once?  
  
Count Bleck: *comes out from behind stage, now has infinite hands* Like this. *now has even more hands*  
  
[The hands wouldn’t stop multiplying and everyone drowned in them the end]

**Author's Note:**

> This is Heather's fault


End file.
